Everlasting
by kathy20121
Summary: For five different lifetimes Kurosaki Ichigo's soul was reborn, he loved Inoue Orihime... Chapter 4: With no direction
1. Never blending

**Fandom: **Bleach

**Pairing: **Inoue Orihime and Kurosaki Ichigo.

**Timeline: **For this chapter, the beginnings of Soul Society.

**Disclaimer: **This fic is based on theories that won't happen so nope, I don't own Bleach.

**Author's Note: **This fanfic has Orihime's poem from Volume 27 as a prompt since she talks about the first, the second, the third... I made a connection with the five lifetimes mentioned in chapter 237 and took each line of the poem as a prompt for each lifetime Ichigo's and Orihime's soul found each other, since I believe that the one in the original timeline is the fifth, the one that lies in the heart. For this chapter: I suck at making names up, much less japanese names so the characters remain unnamed, I hope that's not much of a problem. With the exception of "Ichigo" who here goes by the last name of Shiba (I'm playing the whole 'they're related' thing.) I'm sorry for the angstiness in advance, I hope you enjoy it and leave a review if you have the time, I'd love to hear from you and your opinions on this.

* * *

_We, in the first shall never blend together_

He remembered very well the first time he saw her. Her long, auburn hair swaying with every movement she made. Everyone was admiring her, and she did nothing else but smile that warm, beautiful smile. They were both five and ignorant to many things, but he knew he wanted to freeze that moment forever, keep that smile so that it would never decay.

**...**

As there were families meant to protect the Great Noble Houses, these were meant to protect the Royal House. According to rank, the protectors of the King and downwards were chosen. Being the second noble house in rank, his family was meant to protect the princess and the prince. He was twelve when he was taught this.

"From the moment you become fifteen, you're sole purpose in life" explained her mother "will be to protect her. You'll be her protector number one"

**...**

It had been a long day. An arrancar had been sent to kidnap the princess. The Gotei 13 had started to prepare to invade Hueco Mundo, but he was tired and didn't really want to think about anything else but the fact that she was safe… _she's safe_

"I'm useless" she said making him open his eyes "I wasn't even able to defend myself" disappointment all over her voice.

"That doesn't really matter" she looked at him "I'm here, right? If you're not able to defend yourself, I will _protect _you… without fail" she beamed at him. They were both sixteen and now he was really sure that if there was something he wanted to protect was that smile.

**...**

He kissed her for the first time when she was seventeen and he didn't really care. He didn't care if it wasn't allowed, if it would never be allowed. He just cared that there she was, more beautiful than ever, taking everything he gave her and giving back.

**... **

"Ne, Shiba-kun" she called; her face on his chest, his arm around her. "Haven't you ever wanted to have a bunch of lifetimes, like cats?"

"Like cats?" he asked restraining a laugh

"Yeah. They have seven though. I think five would do well with me" He then let out a small laugh

"Now, what would you want five lifetimes for?" he asked, amused.

"Well, to eat five lifetimes worth of food, to be from five different parts of the world, five different cultures, five languages, five jobs…"

"To fall in love with five different people" bitterness taking over his tone of voice. She looked at him with those beautiful honey eyes that spoke volumes, that disarmed him with a stare.

"Do you think something else comes after we die here?" She asked. His eyes looking away from hers.

"I don't know" he said, his eyes finding hers again 'what do you think?'

"I think if I were given five lifetimes, I would fall in love with the same person… five times"

**...**

"That's what I am to you, aren't I?" he said, hurt. She turned around slowly. He was eighteen and those brown eyes were filled with pain, but she couldn't flinch "Just another servant" a whisper and he looked defeated. She didn't say anything and it was killing him because he knew, he knew that was a deafening silence.

"You should take your leave" she said in her coldest tone of voice to date. He looked at her and she smiled, no warmness in that smile. He headed for the door

"I'd fall in love with you… every single lifetime." He said, his back facing her "I thought you ought to know" a door slam and heavy sigh followed by quiet sobs.

**...**

The Gotei 13, Omniskidou, Kidou corps and the Noble Houses were informed that the Royal Family had moved out of Soul Society, to a location only the Captain Commander of the Gotei 13 knew and had access too. The King had grown suspicious and paranoid of the shinigami, and the arrancar had been very close to cause serious damage to his family, so he had left to another dimension with instructions that his location and the Royal Key were to be passed down verbally to every Captain Commander.

**...**

She didn't know how long it had been. It was difficult to tell time in that place. But she figured it had been quite some time when his father was informed that a 23 year old shinigami, by the last name of Shiba had been promoted to Captain of the Tenth Division.

**...**

She realized it had been an entire lifetime when her father was informed that after a fulfilled, happy life, Captain Shiba of the Tenth Division had fallen in battle hours after the shinigami had successfully invaded Hueco Mundo.

**...**

_I'm sorry. We would've never blended well anyway. You, the undefeatable protector and me… the useless princess. I guess it's better that way. I just wish… I wish we had another chance…_

The king was mourning.


	2. Never the same form

**Fandom: **Bleach

**Pairing: **Inoue Orihime and Kurosaki Ichigo.

**Timeline: **For this chapter, around a century after the events of the first chapter.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach.

**Author's Note: **I think it's practically impossible to think there hadn't been conflicts between HM and SS, so here's some conflict. Also, though it's been an awful long time I still can't get over the fact of the fiasco of the cero espada so here's my take on the previous one. Barragan seems like someone who ruled HM for a looong time and Unohana is said to be the only shinigami to have been in the Gotei 13 since the beginning so that's my reason for them to be here. Thanks so much for everyone who's reviewed and read, again, I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter, criticism makes me grow so leave a review if you have the time.

* * *

_In the second, shall never hold the same form_

War was tiring, he had decided one day. The king was still dwelling on the shinigami invasion that had taken place centuries ago. It was time to move on. It was time to understand that if they didn't attack, there was no reason to be attacked. It wasn't for any pacifist ideal that he had changed his mind about the war, but it was really tiring and no fun to have to watch your back since the shinigami had bribed some arrancar into becoming their spies, those bastards! They were really causing him a headache.

**…**

"If we don't attack, we won't be attacked! Are you serious?" The cero espada shrugged. He thought it was perfectly logic, but logic had never worked with Barragan. He knew that pretty well since he had been told the story of the almost kidnapped princess of Soul Society.

"How much time was Hueco Mundo a peaceful place before you decided to make a declaration of war against Soul Society?"

"It was about time. Why can they kill hollows whenever they please and we can't do the same with them?" asked the spiky haired espada sitting next to him, His eyes were as black as the darkest night, but that didn't intimidate the most powerful espada. If it wasn't for Barragan, he'd be King, his instinct inside him told him he could be King, but he was just fine the way he was for now. If it wasn't for the stupid war.

"No, we won't fall back. We will crush every ant that comes in our way. We will destroy Soul Society from its foundations" the orange haired espada wanted to go back to bed

"Aaroniero, report" Barragan commanded

"Yes" a deep voice replied. "The traitors said Sereitei's protection is the same as last time. So, with any of the prisoner shinigami, we could open a senkaimon and… the cero espada can lend us his power" he said while said espada was yawning "to stop the cleaner and allow us to enter Soul Society. They tell me there are two captains per gate so if we sent our top three espada, it would be a fair fight. And we wouldn't have to go through the protection field surrounding Sereitei"

"Perfect"

**…**

"Look, I don't appreciate you defying me like that, but I know you'd never do anything against Hueco Mundo or Las Noches. So, to show you I'm not discontent, I'm going to give you a new pet"

"You mean to say, you want me to guard someone"

"She's the most precious prison war we've had so far: A captain level prisoner."

"Who is she?" He asked, not exactly amused

"Lieutenant of the Fourth Division…"

**…**

There went a lot of his sleeping time. From the moment he heard they had a captain level prisoner, he knew the responsibility to make sure nothing happened to the precious trophy was going to fall on his shoulders. He held her zanpakuto in his hands. The handle wasn't very thick and the blade was short, but it sure felt powerful. _This girl must have a hell of a soul_

**…**

It had been… hell, he had never been able to tell time in this place. But it had been quite some time that he had been watching her. Her waist length, auburn hair swaying with the little wind that came from the small window, the only thing that moved. He knew she was a captain level shinigami, but for her to be unaffected by his presence was very interesting to the arrancar.

"Your zapankuto" He said, regarding the sword on his hands "What's its name?"

"Shun-Shun Rikka"

**…**

"You know, it's weird. I've heard shinigamis have a lot of pride. But you… you just do what you're told, eat your every meal… It's strange" he said after a month, trying to make her to talk. Not to get any info on Sereitei, just to get her to talk. There was this need inside him to find his way through her.

"I have my reasons" she replied coldly.

**…**

"Why do you that?" she asked a day after

"What?" he asked teasingly. He knew well what she meant

"Staring like that. It's no good. Not to me. Especially not to you"

**…**

"There must be a reason a skilled shinigami like you got caught"

"There must be a reason you come here every day"

"I'm bored"

"So was I"

**…**

She was standing in front of the window, like she had been the first time he met her. He was sitting at her right, her zanpakuto on his hands. It felt good to have a part of her soul so close, for some annoying reason, it sure felt good.

"You should stop bringing it here. I might overpower you and take it from you" he chuckled

"I'm the espada cero. You're from the healing division. There's no way you could overpower me"

_Espada cero?_ _He's the first one I have to…_

**…**

She was sitting on the couch, him, across the room, zanpakuto still on his hands. He felt the sword held a lot of secrets. Every time he looked at it, he found something new.

"You sure are doing a lot of staring today" he commented. His eyes not leaving the sword.

"What's so interesting about it, anyway?" she asked. After all this time, she wasn't able to find a word more fitting than fascination to the way he looked at the sword.

"It's a part of your soul. That's enough for me."

**…**

"You should stop coming in here" she said after putting a lot of thought into it. There was something telling her she wasn't going to be able to bring herself to kill this man

"I'm sorry, hime. That's just not for you to decide" there was no malice in his voice when he said that, but she found herself staring at him. He noticed "look," he said, standing up "I know it must suck to be kidnapped, but I have no saying on your current situation. If it were for me…" silence filled the room. "I'm bored of this stupid war" He lowered his head, while she gazed at him.

"What's the name of your resurrección?" She asked. He proceeded to sit down on the floor, in front of her.

"Luna" he replied. She smiled.

"I've always wanted to catch the moon"

**…**

His head was resting on her lap. Her delicate fingers were going through his messy hair and it felt right. Of all the things in the world, that felt right.

"I have a mission" she said making the orange haired espada get out of his slumber 'to end the war, and it's not good to your side' her voice trembling, her eyes, teary. He saw it coming, so he just stared at those gray eyes, where the world had begun and ended in the last months.

"You have to kill the espada, don't you?" she wept a bit more, one tear reaching his face and it was then when he decided that he didn't want to see that scene repeated. Ever.

"And the king" she said between sobs. He was right. She had one hell of a soul and she was a skilled shinigami

"You could've taken your zanpakuto whenever you wanted, couldn't you?" she sobbed louder

**…**

It had been a massacre. Five espada and any arrancar who had wanted to oppose them had been killed. If everyone in the healing squad had those kinds of powers, then they really had underestimated the Gotei 13.

"I thought the King would've come at us by now" she said while going through Las Noches warily.

"No" dismissed the cero espada. "He'll be waiting for us at the throne"

**…**

"There's one espada left" she said when they reached the throne room.

"Aaroniero, that scum. He's nothing to worry about, though. He's not very loyal either, so he won't come to Barragan's rescue. It's his hollows, against us" she nodded shakily and he regarded her "what is it? You've massacred the arrancar, what are you afraid of?" he asked with a smile.

"What happens next?" she asked avoiding his eyes "you're an arrancar, I'm a shinigami. There's no way we could ever… hold the same form" he dropped his smile. He understood, but there was something she was missing, she didn't know Barragan's powers, he did and there was no way he was going to let her fight him.

"I know" he said, reaching her face, his thumb following her jaw line. "Let's make a promise to meet each other, the next life. How about that?" she nodded while tears went down her cheeks. He kissed her, and that was the thing he put the most passion into in his entire life. Power, he would've given up power, kingdoms, everything to spend at least one lifetime with this girl "I want you to know that no matter what: **I will protect you…"**

"Reject, Shun Shun Rikka!" One more time, it had to work. Only his left arm was gone, he could be saved "Reject, Shun Shun Rikka… Reject! Reject! Re…" she felt over his chest, crying her heart out. Four of the five captains sent to help overthrow to King, who had fled, were watching the scene confused. The fifth, the girl's division captain, understood very well her inconsolable crying. Unohana approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

_I'll find you again, it's a promise_


	3. As he who has no eyes

_**A/N:**_ Thanks so much for your reviews and for reading, I hope you continue to do so. Thanks! And leave a review if you have the time =)

_The third, as he who has no eyes…_

It was snowing. It felt as if the sky was going to fall down...

A girl with waist length raven hair was walking on the snow. A coat and gloves matching her hair were protecting her from the cold. Even at a considerable distance, she was noticeable amidst all the white covering the grass. When he came closer, he realized she was smiling while trying to catch the snowflakes.

She stopped all of a sudden stating that she had become aware of his presence. Her back was still turned to him when he decided to head back to his car.

"Stop, please" her voice was even gentler than what he had expected. It was warm. He stopped on his tracks and turned around. It took him a minute to take in her beautiful features while she was examining him.

"Your hair is so orange" she said with an innocent smile. His face turned into a deeper scowl, but that didn't make the girl's smile go away.

"Well, thanks a lot for your observation. And no, I don't dye my hair, therefore, I'm not a delinquent" he said bitterly. Being told left and right that he was a delinquent because of his hair since he was on middle school could cause that. He didn't want to be rude, but it was tiring. "Anyway, you're ok, so I guess I better get going"

"What do you mean I'm ok?" she asked making him stop again "did you believe I was in danger or something?" he looked at her. He had never seen a girl on his life wearing that expression.

"Yeah, I'm sorry" he said trying to explain himself "It's snowing… so, you know, no one in their right mind… I'm not trying to say you're not in your right mind… damn! What I mean to say is that… you don't expect someone to be wandering in the snow, by a frozen river. I just thought you might've needed help" his cheeks were bright red, and they got even brighter when she beamed at him.

"I just felt like coming here, that's all. I appreciate that you wanted to help me because you thought I was in some kind of problem, that's very nice of you."

"Do you want me to give you a ride?" he asked pointing to his car.

"Umm… you don't really have to" she said timidly

"I don't mind" _besides, if you stay here, you're going to freeze to death. I can't let that happen._ "Where do you live?" He asked, she smiled as if she were keeping something from him.

"At the apartment complex, four blocks from here…" His eyes widened at her answer.

"That's where I live" She nodded, her smile never leaving her lips. "Please, I want to do this" he insisted. The scowl on his face much more relaxed. She smiled wider; it was nice to see him like that.

**…**

It was freaking hot, it felt as if the sun was going to fall down.

He still didn't believe the girl he met back in the winter and it didn't help much that he hadn't seen her since then. It was utterly unbelievable that even when they both had lived in the same building for years, he had never seen her before. And now he found himself wondering if she was ok most of his spare time. She sure seemed like someone who'd get in trouble easily.

The amount of time he had spent thinking about her made him overlooked the girl with waist length raven hair jogging by the river and not exactly dressed to do so. At first, he thought it was a fidget of his imagination, then his protective instinct kicked in.

He pulled over, got out of the car and reached her as fast as he could. Her back was turned to him again, her hair dancing with the wind. She was chasing… red dragonflies?

"You should be careful" he said to make himself noticed "you could trip and fall…" it was the exact opposite of easier said than done. It was as if he had asked for it and it had been granted. He ran to a speed unknown to himself and managed to catch her and get her away of the water; she landed on her back and he, on top of her. She laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. "You should be more careful" he said, a shade of his normal scowl on his face. He was really worried. _What if she had really fallen?_

"That's not fair!" she said pouting. "You distracted me, that's why I almost fell" he smiled out of nowhere. It was bright. Then he realized he was over her and clearing his throat, removed himself from that position, and sat next to her. She, as well, shifted to a sitting position.

"Were you chasing red dragonflies?" he asked after a moment of silence. She nodded smiling.

"It's something me and my mom used to do" he nodded pointing a finger towards the sky, trying his luck. The next moment, a red dragonfly sat on his finger.

"It's just like magic, isn't it?" she said smiling, he had to agree.

"I've always wanted to do that, but I've never been able to" he looked at her. Somehow, that little thing seemed important to her.

"Here" he said reaching for her hand and placing the animal on her finger, but it flew away.

"I guess it's not for me" she said with a sad smile. She stood up and he followed.

"Do you want me to give you a ride?"

"Thanks a lot, but no. I'm going the other way" with a last smile, she took her leave.

**…**

It was July; it felt as if tears were coming down.

He hated the rain. He didn't have a particular reason, but he knew that when it rained, there were higher probabilities of any kind of accident: plane crashes, car accidents… people also felt down, which led to depression. That was a scientific fact. Maybe that was too lame of a reason, but… both thoughts put together in her head converged in one single person: the raven haired girl. He was worried about the possibility of her being by the river chasing… something… anything… he would go and check later.

The sound of his cell phone receiving a message made him come back to reality.

"You don't even have the decency of making a phone call" he said putting the cell phone away with a short message from his father and his excuse for missing his birthday. Not that he cared; it had been long ago since he had stopped celebrating his birthday.

A knock on the door was heard. When opened, he found himself with the girl his thoughts had been filled with lately. She was smiling as usual.

"Happy birthday" she said handing him a big cake

"Wh-what?" he asked, having been taken by surprise "how did you even know it was my birthday?"

"The landlord told me" he chuckled. Now, this was unexpected "It has strawberries in it. I hope you like them"

"I love them" he said without hesitating. She smiled "wanna come in?" her gray eyes widened and she stayed silent for a minute. "Come on! I can't eat all this!" he said with something reaching a smile…

"Oh… really?"

"Really"

**…**

A door opened. A pair of eyes widened. A smile. It had been almost seven years since he had last seen his longtime friend. He had really thought she had forgotten completely about him.

"Hey" the girl said. Her violet eyes shining "it's been a long time." He agreed.

**…**

She was sitting by the river, her long, raven hair dancing at her back. Waiting. A promise, broken.

"_Let's meet every day by the river" he had said_

"_Every day by the river? Why?"_

"_It's peaceful and you seem to love it there" had been his answer "I'll be there every day. I promise"_

A heavy sigh

"No, you won't"

**…**

It was September; it felt as if the world had gone and died.

She had sat by the river for the last two months. She had never found him there, neither down the corridors, nor crossing down the streets. Another heavy sigh, it seemed that was all she did every time she went to that place. She pointed a finger towards the sky, but nothing came.

"I'm going crazy"

**…**

"Heeey…!" she had screamed, waving at him, the last day she saw him. He was helping sweep the leaves from the ground. They had already withered and died. She beamed at him. He waved back.

"Oi, you're not doing it right!" a grave voice had screamed at him. "You're throwing them at me!"

"No, I'm not…!" they had begun to argue. She smiled; gray eyes as well. _So that's who she is. She really is something_.

**…**

It was December; the world had gone and died

"You disappeared and didn't say anything" his scowl on place. It had been five years; she looked older, not longer chasing red dragonflies. She smiled nervously.

"I didn't? Well, I did send you a postcard from Sheffield, maybe you don't remember…"

"I remember very well. What I mean is that you didn't say anything personally to me"

"Ah, well… you were busy that day and I didn't want to interrupt you. She seemed lovely"

"She's far from lovely, believe me! But that's not the point! The point is…"

"How is she, anyway?" she interrupted

"Happily married" he answered. Gray eyes widened. She gulped before being able to speak again.

"Congratulations!" she managed to say.

"Why?" he asked thinking she was going too far trying to avoid the topic.

"Because you're married…" she tried to suppress a laugh. Just when she thought his face couldn't get any funnier, his eyes seemed like they were going to pop out and a total sense of cluelessness was plastered all over his face.

"I'm not married! Especially not to her!" he said as if the idea was the most ridiculous thing in the world "But you…"

"I'm in love" she said simply. Brown met gray and it seemed the world ended. "And I would love if you were there for the wedding… you were always nice to me and I really enjoyed the little time we spent together…" she couldn't bring herself to say anything else for a moment "I want you to be there, please" she said in a whisper. He nodded; she smiled and turned her back to him, leading to the opposite direction.

"I'm in love" he said making her stop. "Since you didn't ask… that's what's happened to me in the last five years. I met a girl with beautiful gray eyes and a bright, bright smile" she tried her hardest to hold back the tears; her throat felt funny. He looked sad, she felt guilty. "I'm sorry. That's too unfair." He said realizing what he had just done. "I… made a promise and didn't live up to it. I was so stupid." She didn't know how to respond to that, so she said nothing. He couldn't look her in the eye, so his eyes got stuck to the grass once they had found their way there.

"I never saw you…" he said after remembering the question that had hunted him all those years ago. "In the building, I never saw you." She nodded

"You were blind… just as I was five years ago." He got on one knee.

"Will you marry me?" her eyes widened "not this lifetime, but the next. I don't want to be blind forever." She smiled, her eyes filled with tears and she nodded.

"Of course I will."


	4. With no direction

**A/N: **Hey, there! First of all, thanks so much to everyone who reads, reviews, etc... it means the world to me. To Wau: she didn't dye her hair, I decided to have her had it that color because of this lifetime.

Ok, this is when I get really cracky. This is based in (I think) one of the most famous IchiHime theories, but it seems highly improbable as time goes by, however, I love this theory and once my sister suggested that part of the poem fit them, so here it is. Also, I got really cracky and involved one of our beloved Gotei 13 captains, but that was born out of my theories regarding him. You'll understand when you read it xD, I really hope you like it! =)

* * *

_The fourth, with no direction_

Shiba Kaien was a loud, loud kid. He was always laughing, always moving. Kuchiki Miyako, as a good Kuchiki, was reserved and quiet, but when with Kaien, the two kids were unstoppable. He opened a door full of opportunities for her and she wasn't afraid to step in. To his mother, it was an incredible sight. She knew Miyako was the light of Soujun's life, but her dad was busy enough as it was trying his best to become the next head of the Kuchiki family to pay much attention to his daughter, and everyone knew how demanding Kuchiki Ginrei could be. She sighed heavily praying her husband wouldn't be so hard on their hyperactive son.

…

"Not fair!" she heard Miyalo say to an excited Kaien holding a big, bright ball, made by him with his spiritual pressure, on his hand.

"Kaien" his mother called out. "It is time for Miyako to go back home" the spiky haired boy beamed at the girl.

"It _is _fair" he said, making the ball disappear "You just have to train harder. How about I teach you next time?" she smiled.

"You better"

…

"My dad gave me _the _talk yesterday" a seven year old Kaien told a same year old Miyako while lying on the grass of Mt. Kouifushi after being defeated at recognizing the shapes of clouds. Turns out Miyako's imagination had exceeded his expectations.

"_The_ talk?" she asked confused

"Yeah, the one about being head of the family and stuff. He's been going on about that since as long as I can remember" she looked at him, he was clearly annoyed. "Haven't your parents given you that talk?"

"No" she answered, her sight focused on the sky again. "I'm a girl so I don't get to be head of my family, you know. Byakuya's the one to receive all those talks"

"How's your mom doing?" he asked, rolling to the side to get a better look at her.

"She's recovering and she's happy. Byakuya's the cutest baby ever" she said with a contagious smile.

"I'd like to have a kid brother" he said falling on his back again. She smiled at him.

"Ask your parents one" he laughed. They remained silent for a moment looking at the sky. "Oh!" she said making him look at her "I brought you something" she shifted to a sitting position and searched for something among the things she had brought. "Here" she handed him an _anpan_, his face looked funny at the sight of it.

"Umm… I'm not really hungry, thanks!" he knew this time he wasn't going to be able to keep the red bean paste down.

"It doesn't have red bean paste in it" she said rolling her eyes as he took it. She looked mad.

"I'm sorry" he said with what he believed were puppy eyes. They always worked with his mother; they had to work with her. She smiled and he declared victory to himself. But she really had the weirdest taste buds ever, which she tried to force on him, which was never going to happen.

…

A thirteen year old Kaien found himself with the feeling that he had gone through the entire Kuchiki manor, when the member of the staff told him they had already reached their destination.

"Thanks so much" he told the man who took his leave after giving him a small bow "there you are!" he told Miyako who beamed at him "hey, kiddo" he said to Byakuya, his left hand reaching for his head, but the six year old masterfully dodged it.

"Good afternoon, Shiba Kaien" he said coldly as he stood up. Byakuya had never liked the guy who spent every moment he could with his sister "I shall take my leave to give you some privacy" he said bowing and leaving the room. Kaien started laughing.

"Don't make fun of him!" said Miyako pinching him. He sat down next to her.

"It's just… honestly, what do they feed you guys with?" she looked at him erasing his smile at once.

"He's a kid, but he already knows what his role in this family will be; that's a lot of pressure falling on his shoulders. He still doesn't understand it completely, but he's trying to make the best of it, please, don't mock him!" he looked at her fascinated. That was one of the things he lov… he liked about Miyako, she was extremely kind and loved her family.

"I'm sorry" he said ashamed. She smiled.

"It's ok"

"So, I haven't heard from you in days. How's your dad doing?"

"He's feeling much better. He just has to stay in bed for a couple more days"

"I guess that's not doing well with your grandpa." Kaien pointed out wanting to take his words back the moment he said them for they caused her to look sad.

"No" she looked at her lap. It was no secret that Kuchiki Soujun, the man destined to be the 28th head of the Kuchiki family was very weak and not really suitable for battle. Miyako knew her jii-sama had changed his strategy and had started to prepare little Byakuya to take his father's place. She couldn't help feel bad for both her father and brother.

"Hey, don't get sad!" Kaien said making her come back to reality. "You guys will work everything out. I'm sure of it" she smiled at him.

"You're right… yeah, you're right" she said cheering herself up.

"So, why have you been hiding from me?" he asked a little hurt. Kaien and Miyako spent every afternoon together, training or talking on Mt. Kouifushi for as long as he could remember, but it had been over a month she hadn't showed up.

"I haven't been hiding from you. I've been helping my mom and Byakuya with some things and I've been studying a lot"

"Studying? For what?"

"The entrance exam!" She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kaien beamed at her.

"Oh, that" he said as if it was nothing.

"I know a genius like you doesn't need to do much studying, but I have to make an extra effort" she explained

"I'm not a genius! And what are you talking about? You're very bright" that comment made her blush a little.

"Not as bright as you are. Besides I want to be in the advanced class"

"Oh" he said as understanding dawned on him "every single Kuchiki has made it to the advanced class, right?" her cheeks turned brighter.

"It's not just that" she said timidly. "You're going straight to the advanced class and I don't want to be left behind, I don't want to…" _be separated from you_

"Hey" he said, his hand on hers which made her cheeks even redder if that was possible. "Your jii-sama has taught you a lot of things and we've learned a lot together throughout the years, haven't we? Besides, you've been studying a whole month, so you're a safe lock for the advanced class, my little bookworm."

…

After two long hours of hard training under the hot sun, a fifteen year old Kaien fell on his back, over the grass of Mt. Kouifushi, Miyako sitting next to him and handing him some water.

"Exhausted already?" she asked teasingly.

"What are you talking about? I let you win the last time" she laughed. He smiled. He loved to hear her laughter, especially when he felt he could stay like that forever, over that grass, under that sun, the wind on his face and her by his side. He closed his eyes. That was perfect.

"So, what are your offers?" she asked making him open his eyes and come back to reality.

"Every squad" he answered, a smile was brought to her lips. He was unbelievably successful and she was happy for him "can you believe even your jii-sama offered me a seated position in the sixth squad. What do you think? You think he already considers me a part of the family?" they both laughed. She came close to him and kissed him deeply "Wow! Where did that come from?" she shrugged.

"I'm really happy for you" she said, her fingers going through his already messy hair.

"And I'm happy for _you_" he said sitting next to her "what are your options?"

"Everyone but the first, second, eleventh and twelfth"

"Kenpachi doesn't want you? Why? You're so suited for the eleventh. You just kicked the crap out of me" she pinched him.

"So you admit it, huh?"

"Of course" he said kissing her again.

"Where are you going then?" she asked once they broke apart.

"Anywhere but the first, second, eleventh and twelfth" she laughed

"Though, I appreciate that very much, I'm serious: where are you going?" he sighed. He knew it was a serious matter, but he didn't want to think about anything serious yet, life was going to be filled with enough serious stuff as they grew older.

"Ukitake taichou personally asked me to join his squad. He wants me to be his fukutaichou" her eyes widened.

"That's great! Has anyone else offered you being their fukutaichou?"

"No, my dad didn't offer it" he said knowing the real question. "Besides, I've never liked the tenth and I don't want my father to be my captain, it's already enough for him to want to boss me around at home, imagine at work. No, a complete no"

"Won't he be mad?" Kaien remained silent for a moment, and then he sighed.

"I suppose, but there's nothing I can do about it. Look, I finished the academy in two years without his help even when he offered it. And all these offers, I earned them, so I think it's fair if I decide what I'm going to do from here. I'm going to be head of the family, because I love them, but he can't force me to do anything pass that" Miyako was looking at him; her eyes had grown very big. "I'm sorry, there went the ranting of the day" she smiled gently and kissed him. "What about you?" he asked "are you going to the sixth?"

"I have no idea. I'd like to be a fukutaichou, I know I can be a fukutaichou and in the sixth, that seat is reserved for Byakuya… it's nothing against him though… he's always training hard, I know he'll be the best head of the family the Kuchiki House has seen and an amazing fukutaichou and eventual taichou, but… I'd feel a bit left out…" her head laid low for a moment. "I'm a horrible person, aren't I?" Kaien laughed, placing an arm around her and bringing her close.

"No, you're not" he said with a big smile "there's no way you could be. Besides, I'd totally understand if you spoke badly of that kid. He should learn to mind his own business"

"What are you talking about?" She asked a bit confused.

"Have you already forgotten about the week they've prohibited me the entrance to the Kuchiki manor because that brat saw us kissing and first thing he did was to go and tell your jii-sama; he didn't even tell your dad, he had to tell Kuchiki Ginrei of all people" she laughed.

"He's a kid; he's just jealous" she said, being the kind person he was.

"Well, he better be" she smiled, he then kissed her temple. "You're the most beautiful person in the world to me, never forget that."

…

"Now is when I really wished I had joined the sixth" a twenty-one year old and very frustrated Shiba Kaien enunciated. The fall of a noble family wasn't a pretty sight… at all, especially in the conditions it all had happened.

Five years after Kaien had joined the thirteenth division, the tenth division had been sent out on a mission, something regarding the shinigami that had acquired hollow abilities some years ago. Help had been required from the sixth division; something along the lines of _the strength of the Kuchiki is much needed_. And that was how after a whole life of trying to prove himself worthy, Kuchiki Soujun had fallen in the mission. Allegedly because of a bad decision taken by the captain of the tenth division, which caused half of the men involved to die as well. That had been what every shinigami that had managed to come back had said.

No one had known a thing of the Tenth Division captain since then. The most powerful of the Noble Houses had lost a member, and someone had to pay for that and the only ones who had been there to take the fault had been his family.

Properties, land, money… almost everything had been taken away from the Shiba family. Kaien's mother hadn't been able to take it and had died of illness months after his father's disappearance. However, Kukaku and Kaien Shiba were people of resources, and they were doing their best to support themselves and their little brother, Ganju. It was of much help that one of their uncles had been called to serve in the Royal Guard and had left them a small fortune.

"What for?" asked Kukaku a bit upset. The thought of his brother in the Kuchiki division made her sick "To be the slave of the Kuchiki? Look, we've managed and we'll manage, we don't need the Kuchiki"

"I need _a_ Kuchiki" he said frustrated. It had been a year since he had last seen her. He wasn't even able to pay his respects, to be with her when news about her father had reached. He figured it had been difficult for her, the death of her mother so recent. "I don't care about the Kuchiki or anything they stand for, but if I were in the sixth division I'd be closer to her"

"So they still haven't let her show up, even when she's the third seat of the thirteenth" his sister said trying to sound understanding. His eyes became stuck to the ground. "Become a fukutaichou" she said firmly, "if you become a fukutaichou, you'll be closer to the nobility. It would be practically impossible for them to say 'no' if you asked her hand in marriage."

"Oh, it would be very possible, sure, I would say, for them to say 'no' to a Shiba."

…

"I don't know what happened" she said on the verge of tears the moment she came back to the division. "All I know is that whoever was responsible, it was neither you nor your family." Kaien was bewildered. He felt like hitting his head repeatedly for ever thinking she could hold them responsible.

"I'm sorry" he said, his eyes starting to sting. "I'm sorry for the death of your dad. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you needed it the most" she shook her head.

"That doesn't matter, it's fine, I understand." His eyes became teary, and all he could do was kissing her.

"I wanna marry you" her eyes covered the most part of her face, Kaien felt like laughing "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

…

He decided to take the fact that Kuchiki Ginrei had accepted to see him as a good sign. That day, when it mattered the most, he decided he was going to be as positive as he could be. His hands were sweating, he could feel his heart pumping faster than usual, hurting him. A hand intertwined with his. Then he registered a smile from the most beautiful woman in the world.

"I just want you to know that this meeting doesn't matter at all. I have my mind set. I love you and I _will_ marry you" he smiled a worried smile; he didn't want that for her, he didn't want to push her away from her family, from everything she ever knew. She probably saw right through him, because she approached him and gave him a light kiss on the lips "everything will be ok" she whispered.

…

"I cannot have my granddaughter marry the member of a fallen noble family, especially not to a Shiba. I do not care if you're a captain or a lieutenant. No member of the Kuchiki family will ever marry a Shiba" Kuchiki Ginrei had said firmly. His eyes fixed on Kaien, his stance unbreakable.

"Can you please stop bringing your family and mine up? That's not what it matters here. What matters is that I love Miyako and I would never do anything to hurt her. I'd never…"

"It wasn't long ago, boy, that you were member of one of the Noble Houses. Your father never taught you what that meant? He never taught you we're here to set up an example? Never taught you that…?"

"He probably did, Kuchiki-taichou" said Kaien exasperated. "I just wasn't paying attention 'cause I never cared about all that. And I couldn't care less now. I don't want to be part of your family and this is not some kind of revenge on you. I'm in love with your granddaughter. I have been since… probably forever. I'm just asking for…"

"Shiba Kaien" said the kid who had been standing by his grandfather the whole time, his tone colder than ever. He was around fourteen now, but trying to look much older, fukutaichou badge on his right arm. "You should stop dragging this conversation any further. Nothing you say has the ability to change our position on this matter" he spoke slowly, but firmly, more firmly a kid his age should speak.

"If that's how it is, then… I'll pack my bags immediately" the three men turned their heads to the raven haired girl who had spoken nearly as firmly as her brother.

"What are you talking about Miyako?" asked Kaien afraid of where this was going.

"I love my family" she said more to him than to her relatives "and I would never want to see them suffering, they've been through enough suffering the last few years, but… I just can't" her voice started to crack and her eyes were swelled with tears. "Sometimes I feel like I've lost you so many times that… I just can't do it one more time."

"But this is not the solution" he said in a whisper, taking her by the shoulders "there has got to be another way"

"There is no other way" the Kuchiki elder said "if she wants to marry you so badly, she has to renounce to her family and every privilege her last name could provide in the future."

…

He had never felt so impotent, frustrated, and angry in his entire life. Not even after everything that had happened to his family. Hell, he felt he could cry the tears he knew Miyako was holding back. He knew her better than he knew himself, which allowed him to say with certainty that she was going to miss the Kuchiki manor, the staff she had befriended, his family, but above all she was going to regret not having been there with his little pest of a brother when it came the time for him to become the head of the family. "Damn!" he cursed wanting to punch the wall. He hated all this: royalty, noble houses… he hated it!

"I'm all set" she said smiling brighter than ever and carrying a suitcase with her.

"Miyako" he said approaching her and taking the bag from her hands. His free hand started to caress her face. "You don't have to do this…"

"I want to" she interrupted, determination in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry" he said in a whisper.

"You should really stop apologizing for everything" she said as if nothing was going on. "This was my decision" she said firmly "I love jii-sama and Byakuya, but if they can't understand the way I feel about you… I told you once, I can't give up on you. Please, don't give up on me" he kissed her deeply and then pressed his forehead against hers.

"I won't. Never. I promise"

…

The captain of the eighth division, Kyouraku Shunsui really expected his long time white haired friend and fellow captain got a hold of himself. Kaien didn't need his best man to be crying when the time came to give him the rings.

"You didn't see her" Ukitake had tried to explain. "She looks so beautiful and so happy"

"Ah… how could she not?" Shunsui asked adjusting his hat "after all they've gone through… Though this is really sad" he pointed out.

"You're right. I still can't believe Ginrei and Byakuya declined the invitation"

"Oh, that too, but I meant the other reason."

"What other reason?" Ukitake asked confused.

"Another pretty girl off the market…"

…

"… until death do you apart?"

"I do"

…

"I heard Byakuya got married" she sighed heavily against his chest.

"I really hope he's as happy with her as I am with you."

…

"I know my brother, and even when he looked tough as the head of the family should, I know he was torn apart inside. I never wanted this for him. I just wish… I wish I could be by his side right now" Kaien held her in a comforting embrace.

…

"And they say, even on her death bed, she told him she never loved him, but asked a last favor of him" Miyako heard some shinigami gossip in Rukongai.

"What was it?"

"For him to look for the sister, who while being a baby, she had abandoned."

…

"Ukitake taichou confided me that he adopted her as his sister." For some reason, Miyako found herself closing her eyes and sighing heavily. "He also asked him if she could join his division given that she didn't complete the curriculum, and there are no offers from the other squads" their eyes met "taichou agreed. I have to meet her tomorrow, show her around, and explain her how things work here." Miyako nodded. "Are you ok with this?" she smiled.

"I know it must be hard for her. Byakuya can be cold sometimes and they say she takes after her sister, so I reckon that coldness might be increased." Kaien looked at her confused, not sure where she was going. "And I know how hard it is to be part of a noble family, how everyone thinks of you… please, try your best to make her feel at home." Kaien smiled, he had married not only the most beautiful, but also the kindest woman in the world.

…

"It's only a recognition mission, nothing serious!" she had assured him before leaving.

"I'm sorry if I make myself look as an obsessive, overprotective freak, but… please, be careful, I'd go with you, but…"

"It's going to be fine" she had said. He smiled a nervous smile, and kissed her more deeply than he had ever done before.

"I love you. Don't you forget that." She smiled

"I love you too. Don't you forget it either" he had watched her as she had gone.

_Do you remember when you said you had lost me already and couldn't afford to lose me again? Why do I, right now, feel the same way?'_

…

The moment he saw his wife's immobile body and shut eyes was the first time Shiba Kaien truly felt fear. He had encountered thousands of hollows, gone to a fair share of missions, had seen some nasty things, but never this feeling had gone down his spine. Was he afraid because this hollow had been able to take down his wife and her men? No. Was he afraid because there was nearly no info on the hollow? No. He was afraid because he didn't know how he was going to face the fact of waking up every morning and realizing, as if it was a morning ritual, that his wife was gone forever. He was afraid of having to live without the sensation of longing for something after a mission, longing for that beautiful, warm smile, those delicate fingers through his hair and her tender cares. Afraid that his wife's pride…

"We should be ready in two days."

_That's it! _He thought storming out of the room.

"Wait, Kaien! Calm down!" Taichou's voice barely reached him.

"We don't know its name, appearance or abilities" He said trying to calm down. His tone of voice, unfamiliar to himself, "therefore you want me to just sit here, like an idiot and wait…? Leave everything to the assault squad and just hide in here?"

…

He was grateful enough with Ukitake-taichou for leaving him come here, even when he knew damn well, they weren't ready, thus, he was going to be the one doing all the fighting.

"Permission to fight alone" and to Ukitake, that was the time Kaien's voice sounded the firmest. There was a moment of silence.

"Granted" the white haired taichou said, knowing the possible outcomes, but also knowing that Kaien knew them as well.

…

It was raining, and the rain felt heavier than usual. He knew it must've felt even heavier to the poor girl underneath him.

"Kuchiki. I dragged you into this… my stubbornness has caused you pain. I'm sorry, you must be torn apart inside" and so he was, Miyako's soul, the only soul that truly matched his had been consumed by a hollow and now that he had been saved, his own, was going to become a part of Sereitei's protection sphere. Even in whatever came after, assuming something came, his soul, his heart and Miyako's weren't going to follow the same direction. _Will we wander errant around the world, with no direction until we find each other again? I know I might as well do it. I wouldn't have made it a single day without you…_

The girl underneath him was shaking. The rain was even heavier.

_Our bodies themselves are souls. If we die, our bodies sooner or later turn to dust and become the spirit particles that make up Soul Society. When that happens, where do our hearts go?_

"Thanks… to you… my heart… can still stay here"

_There is no heart without you_


End file.
